As the legend goes...
He was born in the cracks of the earth. Released forth from underwater fissures unto the beckoning ocean. Wrought into a life of servitude in the company of sweet mother nature. Lord of the ocean, and symbol of the sea. Protector of the deep, and all things marine.
This legend speaks of a badger, so salty, that even the fires of hell could not dilute his perseverance. Swimming from ocean to ocean. Diving deep into underwater valleys and chasms. A relic of an ancient power, that proudly commands the respect of all things in the living aquatic.
He is The Salty Badger.
And when he is not taming the ocean, he appears on land. Roaming about chapel st bars drinking schooners and ranting about the Nasdaq. For when he isn’t riding down 40ft waves punching dolphins, raping seals and snacking on shellfish (and various other kelpy produce), he is at heart… a simple badger.
And like many creatures of such a nature he enjoys simple things; Electronic beats, novelty wigs, barbecue shapes and pornography.
So if thou should come across said badger, beware… And be sure to buy him a beer for all of the hard work he’s been doing; only keeping our ecosystems in check, defending the ocean and gaurding the underwater life of planet earth. For one day you might find yourself drowning off the coast in a deadly rip current.
To whom then…will you turn.
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