All My Friends

People I've met in Toronto - Dan and B. Part. 1

2011-07-22T04:42:00.005+10:00

A rooftop in Toronto on a balmy Saturday night, swigging out of a bottle of white wine because we don't have cups. One way to make sure this weekend will:

a) Be devoid of all class and tact

b) Be hard to remember

c) Possibly end in disaster?

Let's find out...

It's the Z-bomb, and myself, chasing some fun in our new town. After meeting some lively characters on a rooftop we decide to head West down Queen Street because they had been partying for something like 40 straight hours, and let's just say we didn't have it in us to sit there while some dude turned up the radio and asked us with the most serious of faces - 'don't you just love this song?'

The answer in my head was NO WAY DUDE, it was the most convoluted mash of middle-of-the-road rock music i had ever heard. Swig, swig, swig, 'let's get out of here Z-bomb!'

Down the street we head, off to our favourite haunt, sink a few beers, and then come back home for a dubstep marathon and some streetball in the park at 5am. We crash out.

So who's Dan and B?

Is this story going anywhere?

Are you high?

Wait.

Yes.

No....why you got something?

Well sir, fast forward about 9 hours, and me and the Z-bomb decide the only way to tackle a Sunday is to head down to the park and chill with some beers and our friend's cute dog, Ziggy (babe magnet extraordinaire). On the approach to the park we pass a vintage clothing stall run by a girl called B. She's really super friendly, not to mention, very easy on the eye. Me and the Z-bomb chat to her and her friend for about 10mins. We discuss Australians, like B's friend James who is also from Melbourne, and the local nightlife in Toronto. It appears there's much more to talk about so we let them know we will come back later on once they are finished at 6pm. It's a date.

We throw a frisbee round with Ziggy who's loving the attention, except until she sees a squirrel and she tries to climb a tree which is hilarious. It's mucho fun until she eats the frisbee and it's game over, much to the amusement of nearby park people. Oh well, time to sit and have some beers. Chillaxing for a moment, i am approached by a hobo called DAN. He's not crazy hobo either, yeah he's missing a few teeth, but he tries his best to look nice. Dan asks if he can borrow a lighter, which i oblige, and he then asks if i mind if he sits down. Not at all, join us.

Dan sees the beers, and asks very nicely if he can have one. Now if he was crazy hobo at this time my answer would have been no, because i don't want to get shivved after two weeks in Toronto, but he's full of manners, so it's no problems. 'Thanks brother, that's very kind of you'.

Dan's uneducated, 60years old, with whispy white stubble on his face. His boots have paint on them because he'll get work wherever he can. Times are tough at the moment, that's why he came down to the park - to forget about it for a while and soak up some sun.

Before i know it, Dan's giving me the lowdown on his life, without being pushy or arrogant, he asks just as many questions of me. We discuss life in Winter in Toronto (fkn cold), and going to downtown Detroit (fkn dangerous). I share some smokes with him, and he keeps saying thank you and cheering me with his beer. I like this guy, his wife had died a few years earlier and i get the impression he hasn't sat and chatted with someone for a while, I'm glad it's me.

Time's flying by, and i realise it's after 6pm. I look over to where the vintage clothing stall is...i mean was. It's gone. Oh no, I've been so distracted by Dan the friendly hobo that I've forgotten to go back and see B. I tell Dan it's been a pleasure, and wish him all the best as i grab my stuff and head over to where the stall was. Gone. Nowhere to be seen. A girl on a nearby bench says we missed B by about 5 mins. I run down to Queen Street, can't see her. Dammit!

It's all over now...OR IS IT?

To Be Continued....

People I've met in Toronto - Zach and Fernando

2011-07-14T13:29:00.004+10:00

Some people may have been offended by my last post. And i agree, it could be seen as a slur on the good people of the Ukraine, and for that i apologise. In that regard, i would like to publish a list of ALL the countries in which i have had problems with. After all it's definitely not fair to pick on just one, as we all know... f*ckin c*nts can can from anywhere. With no further adieu, i give you a list of countries (and their people) who have given me the shits over the last 28 years...

Afghanistan Albania Algeria Andorra Angola Antigua & Deps Argentina Armenia Australia Austria Azerbaijan Bahamas Bahrain Bangladesh Barbados Belarus Belgium Belize Benin Bhutan Bolivia Bosnia Herzegovina Botswana Brazil Brunei Bulgaria Burkina Burundi Cambodia Cameroon Canada Cape Verde Central African Rep Chad Chile China Colombia Comoros Congo Congo {Democratic Rep} Costa Rica Croatia Cuba Cyprus Czech Republic Denmark Djibouti Dominica Dominican Republic East Timor Ecuador Egypt El Salvador Equatorial Guinea Eritrea Estonia Ethiopia Fiji Finland France Gabon Gambia Georgia Germany Ghana Greece Grenada Guatemala Guinea Guinea-Bissau Guyana Haiti Honduras Hungary Iceland India Indonesia Iran Iraq Ireland {Republic} Israel Italy Ivory Coast Jamaica Japan Jordan Kazakhstan Kenya Kiribati Korea North Korea South Kosovo Kuwait Kyrgyzstan Laos Latvia Lebanon Lesotho Liberia Libya Liechtenstein Lithuania Luxembourg Macedonia Madagascar Malawi Malaysia Maldives Mali Malta Marshall Islands Mauritania Mauritius Mexico Micronesia Moldova Monaco Mongolia Montenegro Morocco Mozambique Myanmar, {Burma} Namibia Nauru Nepal Netherlands New Zealand Nicaragua Niger Nigeria Norway Oman Pakistan Palau Panama Papua New Guinea Paraguay Peru Philippines Poland Portugal Qatar Romania Russian Federation Rwanda St Kitts & Nevis St Lucia Saint Vincent & the Grenadines Samoa San Marino Sao Tome & Principe Saudi Arabia Senegal Serbia Seychelles Sierra Leone Singapore Slovakia Slovenia Solomon Islands Somalia South Africa Spain Sri Lanka Sudan Suriname Swaziland Sweden Switzerland Syria Taiwan Tajikistan Tanzania Thailand Togo Tonga Trinidad & Tobago Tunisia Turkey Turkmenistan Tuvalu Uganda Ukraine United Arab Emirates United Kingdom United States Uruguay Uzbekistan Vanuatu Vatican City Venezuela Vietnam Yemen Zambia Zimbabwe

Their names are Zach (19) and Fernando (36) a couple of musos who are chasing someone to take charge of Fernando's vocals and be the frontman of their electronica band (think Presets but let's not get our hopes up).

Enter El Devine from stage left swigging an 'Old Milwaukee' and talking more Aussie than Ernie Dingo riding a kangaroo on his birthday bender.

After a get-to-know-you beer which i supplied via my backpack (I'd brought an icepack as well - who turns up with warm beers?) we has a chinwag and i realised these cats were down like James Brown in wife beating town. Fernando was actually Zach's Spanish teacher a few years back. When Zach decided to skip Level 1 Spanish because he already had a good grasp of French, he enlisted Fernando to help him pass the Level 2 exam with only 3 days notice. He got 75%, both a credit to Zach's go-get-em attitude and Fernando's (Mexicano Extraordinario) skills to pay the bills.

Fast forward a few years and now these cats are jamming and that's where i come in. I've re-written some of Fernando's lyrics to his song which he sent me earlier, and to my surprise, he dug it like he was looking for Stuart Diver.

Fernando's last album with his Mexican band was produced by someone from Pink Floyd.

What the fuck am i doing here?

Our next jam is on Monday, and as i told them before i left...

'There'd be no point doing this if we can't get along as mates"

The good news is, we get along and laughed and joked our way through a 3 hour session, and as an extra bonus... i really dig their tunes.

Stay tuned!

4 Stars*

*Rating will increase if they dig my new songs on Monday

People I've met in Toronto - Adelina

2011-07-14T05:16:00.003+10:00

Sometimes you get a vibe from people you can't shake. Why?

Because you shouldn't shake it, it's your primeval instincts flaring up to protect your sorry ass (yes, i say ass now because I'm in Canada - and it's so much easier to write).

Her name is Adelina, and she's a motherfuckin' bitch.

So she tells me to come in to the restaurant because I've got my first busboy job. I'm pretty over qualified but i go out and buy $85 worth of clothes to look the part. I turn up on time and get straight to work and all of a sudden i realise I'm doing basically the same job as a server (who gets paid more, and works less).

I am the bitch. But you know what, i don't mind at all. I'm working, money's coming in and not haemorrhaging from my wallet like it has for the last 3 months, like usual, i just get the job done.

The customers ask me 'where in England are you from?' Don't insult me you Paki bastards!!!

Haha, just kidding, they were lovely. We all joked and laughed and i had them onside more than the server. We bonded. It was magical.

At the end of the shift, i get handed $20 for my 'tipout'.

Hmmm.... $20 for 6 hours work. No break. No food. One Coke.

I'm hoping there's going to be a cheque coming along with this as well?

Short answer - no there isn't.

Here's what Adelina replied when i asked why i didn't get paid....

"Unfortunately last night was a trial shift, and you were shadowing the scheduled busser and therefore will not be paid. That was mentioned to you prior to coming in, therefore I apologize for any misunderstandings on your part"

To which i replied...

"Last night cost me $50 you idiot. At no point was the word 'trial' used. This is not a 'misunderstanding on my part."

So fuck you bitch, i hope they deport you back to the Ukraine where you can try and sell your banged up face for money but the only blokes who are going to be interested are the Ukranians who were holidaying in Chernobyl on the 26th of April in 1986.

0 Stars.

NB: For those intrigued by the star system, here's a quick breakdown...

5 Stars - Legend

4 Stars - Champ

3 Stars - Cool

2 Stars - Okay

1 Star - C*nt

0 Stars - Fucking C*nt

People I've met in Toronto - Mitchell

2011-07-11T15:11:00.002+10:00

A day in the park throwing a frisbee around while drinking a beer is something special. Some Q-tip on the iPod speakers adds that extra funk to an event which should be yours - yet all of a sudden it becomes...everyone's. A day well spent getting some well needed sun can quickly devolve into a mission greater than finding drinking water in Sydney Harbour...

His name is Mitchell, approximate age 22, current roommate of my mate called Zev.

He brought his road bike down, drank some beer, and threw a mad frisbee with us at Trinity Bellwood park (google it).

Everything went swimmingly, i thought this guy is the sort of guy you would love to be roomed with - cool, chillin, and with that extra splash of leather wristband on that says - i may be living downtown, but my heart is with the bohemians.

Fast forward 2 hours...

After a long drunken deliberation about whether to indulge ourselves on this particularly warm night in Canada, we decided to do what any park-drunk person would do - get some food and then go and hit up the town.

Little did me and Zev know, this seemingly cool dude would end up killing our night.

How did he kill it, El?

By being a stupid ass Canadian with no ability to interpret the most identifiable signals from both of us.

Please deliberate...

Picture this:

Me and Zev are talking to a group of people, telling them all about Melbourne and how it's the coolest city ever (sorry Gosford, you just missed out). All of a sudden Old Mate literally stand there without identifying himself and scares everyone else off with his inability to:

a) join the conversation

b) bring anything to the conversation

c) stare with dead eyes at the girls in the group

A quick look between me and Zev.

His eyes apologise.

I accept.

Our night is over.

Thanks Mitchell. Now we all look like weirdos.

Best of luck with that creepy smile and Brandon Walsh haircut (google it).

Rating: 2 stars

People I've met in Toronto - Stan

2011-07-10T17:06:00.002+10:00

The venue is Baby Huey's on Ossington in Toronto, the joint i'd djed at the night before. Sitting on the couch, a cherubly(?) asian man busted all up my conversation with my new mexican friend to answer the question we were posing: what was the main song from Trainspotting?

"Born Slippery"

His name was Stan, and he was sitting with his friends called Louie who looked like he should be a standover man in some C grade action film. Stan, approx. 35yrs, had a walking stick because he'd been in a car accident and hadn't worked since.

I told him about when i was a car salesman many years ago, i reversed a brand new Mitsubishi Magna through the wall of my manager's office. I told him how i got a round of applause from all the other salesmen in the office. He thought that was funny.

Stan's lived in Toronto for 17 years.

I knew Stan for 9 minutes.

He limped away but seemed pleased with our interaction.

Stan: 3.5 stars

Bar Vs. Wild feat. Meathead Bogan

2010-08-02T22:28:00.004+10:00

Bartender: Just waters for now mate

Customer: Yeah sure thing mate.

(2 waters and 10 mins later)

Bartender: How you going there?

Customer: Ah all good champ ...Was just talking about keys.

Bartender: Excuse me?

Customer: Ya’ know, keys. Like musical keys. Cause I study music at uni and today... Do you know that Limp Bizkit song; ‘Behind Blue eyes?’ (Starts to sing)

Bartender: (cutting off) Yer I know it... but I think that was a cover hey.

Customer: Yeah it was originally done by ‘The Who’.

Bartender: Sure

Customer: Well, it’s supposed to be played in like D key, but today I was mucking around and ended up playing it in C key... that was pretty tricky.

Bartender: Yer sweet dude.

(awkward pause)

S.B.

Bar vs Wild

2010-07-28T00:00:00.004+10:00

I hereby celebrate my return to the blogging dimension with the creation of a new editorial;

"Bar vs. Wild."

The central theme of this thread purports the wild world outside as a vacuous entity, filled with moronic ape like imposters whom do not possess basic social skills nor can they grasp simple concepts of manners or courtesy.

Stay tuned for weekly updates from all sides of the equation. Those of DJ, Bussy and Bartender, as they sift through this gigantic influx of weekly occurances, to bring to you the very finest examples of customer's social retardation and developmental regression.

Salts Badge

2010-06-05T15:29:00.000+10:00

Fedde Le Grande Back and forth (StooPAh Remix) by StooPAh

Cheers!

2010-05-31T13:22:00.001+10:00

Thanks to everyone who made it down to the Golden Gate last night! It was a blast. I'm in pain now! Thanks. More info/stories soon!

2010-05-29T17:59:00.002+10:00

Ahhh yes. These blog dwelling nasties will be dealt with swiftly, with the iron fist of the badger, the razor jaws of the sharkface and the soggy meat juice of the T-bone.
Meanwhile, here is a picture of me sun baking on a beach on the island of Madagascar. I was pursuing a rogue dewgong who was refusing to pay his aquatic taxes, when i stopped for some press shots. Let us hope it will make the cover of Seafarers monthly, or better yet... badgers uncensored.

Free Download La Roux vs Major Lazer

2010-05-29T17:56:00.002+10:00

Yo! Two of the most annoying groups smashed together. Surely it will either be super awesome, or sand crab shithouse. Oh well it's free. Chomp Chomp.

http://maddecent.bandcamp.com/album/lazerproof?type=email&sig=2731d4e2750ee5a44dfab57b750fc8f0&auto=mp3-320&payment_id=67117449

An Open Letter to the Salty Badger

2010-05-29T16:05:00.002+10:00

Dear Salts,

I welcome you to the All My Friends family of marine freaks and talking cuts of meat. My first order of duty is to bestow you with the Malcolm Douglas Award for inspired writing by Hairy Sea Beasts*. This award means you can now walk into the Golden Gate Hotel and receive a 20% discount on shellfish(except on Sundays and public holidays) and half-price salt-reduced haircuts at Festers Fine Fur Co.

Let me be the first to congratulate you, and warn you. Somewhere deep in this blog is a collection of creatures that mean us harm. They keyed a cryptic message into the side of my salty Monaro the other day when i was out drinking with T-Bones. Maybe you can help us decipher what it means...

'Favour finds the troubled soul. Hell to pay for all your gold.'

If you need me, I'll be drinking in the park with T-Bones trying to pick up fatty fatty backpackers.

Chomp Chomp.

The Legend of Salty Badger

2010-05-29T15:22:00.002+10:00

As the legend goes...
He was born in the cracks of the earth. Released forth from underwater fissures unto the beckoning ocean. Wrought into a life of servitude in the company of sweet mother nature. Lord of the ocean, and symbol of the sea. Protector of the deep, and all things marine.

This legend speaks of a badger, so salty, that even the fires of hell could not dilute his perseverance. Swimming from ocean to ocean. Diving deep into underwater valleys and chasms. A relic of an ancient power, that proudly commands the respect of all things in the living aquatic.

He is The Salty Badger.

And when he is not taming the ocean, he appears on land. Roaming about chapel st bars drinking schooners and ranting about the Nasdaq. For when he isn’t riding down 40ft waves punching dolphins, raping seals and snacking on shellfish (and various other kelpy produce), he is at heart… a simple badger.

And like many creatures of such a nature he enjoys simple things; Electronic beats, novelty wigs, barbecue shapes and pornography.

So if thou should come across said badger, beware… And be sure to buy him a beer for all of the hard work he’s been doing; only keeping our ecosystems in check, defending the ocean and gaurding the underwater life of planet earth. For one day you might find yourself drowning off the coast in a deadly rip current.

To whom then…will you turn.

Very inspiring. A must see.

2010-05-28T19:38:00.001+10:00

Douggs - Australian Story from Tee Jay on Vimeo.

Prodigy VS B52's

2010-05-23T16:02:00.000+10:00

Prodigy VS B52's Smack my bitch up/ Love shack by StooPAH

Friends!

2010-05-19T22:48:00.001+10:00

New Sharkface Mix

2010-05-19T20:21:00.002+10:00

Just the other day i setup the decks in my underwater sex cave so i could drop this fresh fish funk mix for all the mermaids - but they just wrote on their merblog that it sucked crab balls. So next time i get back on land im going to get my mate Jippo to get his 40 footer and im going to take him to the spot they live and let him out the net. Once they see me grooving from the boat swiggin on a super dry they're going to swim up a bit closer then...BAM...Jippo pulls the net and then we see whose laughing...

Enjoy. Chomp Chomp.

http://www.speedyshare.com/files/17658368/40_minutes_of_funk.mp3

INTRODUCING SHARKFACE

2010-05-18T13:05:00.003+10:00

I'm one quarter shark and three quarters young dude. I can breathe underwater and run through the jungle. My name is Sharkface… Chomp chomp.

All My Friends love Sundays. It’s the best cause we can all go down to the Golden Gate Hotel and drink some beers and not be discriminated against because we look a bit different. Yes I have a sharkface, no I don’t necessarily want to bite you. Keep looking at my gills like that and maybe I will.

I usually head down with T-Bones and the Salty Badger, because the concept of the party is about friendship, but sometimes we attract attention because one of us is a giant piece of meat, I have a sharkface, and the other is well…a salty Badger. Sometimes I think about eating T-Bones, but the feeling usually passes.

Here is a picture of us at the Golden Gate Hotel in South Melbourne, excuse my drawing, sometimes I get the perspective wrong because my eyes are on the side of my nose.

ALL MY FRIENDS LOVE SUNDAYS!

2010-05-17T22:08:00.000+10:00

All My Friends love Sundays @ Golden Gate Hotel

2010-05-17T20:52:00.001+10:00

Launch party is May 30!

Songs that make you smile

2009-11-02T21:30:00.006+11:00

Here's a song i found today, that made me remember some good times. Sung by a legend, and with a strong message to boot. This is Homer Simpson singing When I Was Seventeen

The Official Poster!

2009-10-30T08:14:00.001+11:00

Ipod Battle Rules

2009-10-28T21:04:00.002+11:00

How the ALL MY FRIENDS: THRILLA IN ST KILDA IPOD BATTLE works!

Step One

Get yourself of team of 2/3 music lovers that love partying down. Gather up your iPods and prepare some massive playlists of tracks that you know will make a crowd go off!

Step Two

Name your team! The more original, the better. Once you have your team together, you might want to organise some sort of random costume. Or you might not give a fuck and declare it’s all about the music. Your call! Email amfparty@gmail.com with your team name, contestant names, and 3 tracks you know would kill! Entries close soon, so get in quick!

How The Battle Works

Teams will be drawn from a hat to establish the battle order. Then a toss of a coin will decide who goes first. Winner has the choice to put the other team in first or take it themselves.

The first team has 60 seconds to play their track and hype up the crowd. You want to make sure you scroll through the track with your headphones to find the perfect 60 seconds. Hit play and let the crowd feel ya!

The 60 seconds will end, and then it’s the opposing teams turn to retaliate!

We do this two more times, so each team has 3 rounds of 60 secs to win over the crowd.

Deciding The Winner

At the end of the final round, the winner will be decided by decibel meter. That means, if the crowd cheers for you the most you will get a higher sound reading – then you win. So it helps to have as many friends there to help get you across the line!

It’s that simple!

If you make it past the first and second rounds then you are into the final to battle for the championship belt!

Tips and Hints

- Think of tracks people haven’t heard for ages

- Slower songs and singalongs will do just as well as hype tracks

- Hyping up the crowd with dancing, costumes, props will help you win!

- Vary your style, and try and read the crowd! Make sure your iPod has a bit of everything on it.

- Higher quality music such as 192kbps and 320kbps will sound better!

All My Friends Project...Up and Away!

2009-10-28T19:56:00.000+11:00

Blog time. I'll be honest with you, i have no fucking idea what i am doing. I just searched 'how a blog works' and the first piece of advice i read was not to use Blogspot. Hmmm.

Well the plan is from here to boost my new musical empire ALL MY FRIENDS into the technological stratosphere. What do you mean you haven't heard of it? You mean you didn't make it to the riot party which was the AMF launch party at the George Lane Bar?

Well you missed Yoda and the Devine One on the dancefloor, and several more of my friends getting crazy. Most of us even made more friends that night which was the plan from the outset. Sick of clubs, but still a fan of partying down - the music policy was relaxed and the vibe was loose. It was a house party in a bar, and noone had to cleanup. Well someone had to, but thank Jebus it wasn't me.

Damn. Can't seem to get these pics to lineup. Fucking punk blog. DELETE.

Anywho, the last party was a blast (somehow i'll get these photos up) doesn't help that Seinfeld is distracting me either. Man how big was Jerry's hair in the early eps. Haha. Classic.

So you may have heard about the next party. It's an iPod battle!

What's that you ask - check the original party in Paris then i'll tell you how we're running the biggest and best one in Melbourne on Saturday November 14!!

Catcha Tomorrow!